Things I've Learned

My apologies for the long hiatus – I’ve been a little distracted lately. Here’s a rundown of things I have learned in the last (almost) three weeks.

Wiggle worm

Babies (or at least mine) are like Houdini. Alex can wiggle his way out of any swaddle; no matter how tight or what kind of blanket (even the Miracle Blanket). He even looks like a magician, working with a quiet concentration. Then, once he’s got a foot or a hand out, he starts screaming like a banshee. We’re thinking of upgrading to a straight jacket complete with buckles.

Dad was right

Though it’s a cliché, it’s totally true: You truly do not know how much you can love something until you become a parent. It’s incredible the amount of love you feel for this tiny being when it is only seconds old. I guess this surge of unconditional love is necessary early on to help you cope with what comes later. I’m sure when Alex reaches his terrible twos, his ferocious fours, or his treacherous thirteens (alliteration doesn’t really fly with that number), I’ll feel differently. But for now he’s perfect and could do no wrong.

Birth plans

You know the saying “Expect the unexpected”? Well, when it comes to giving birth, I say: Expect nothing! Because if you make a stringent birth plan, chances are nothing with go according to that plan and your will be sorely disappointed – or worse – left feeling like a failure. The pregnancy books are right (at least the good ones) when they say that if you give birth to a healthy baby, consider it a complete success. Several weeks ago I was toying with the idea of trying to give birth without an epidural. But looking back, I know had I been 100% committed to that idea, the experience would have been much more difficult. The time between my water breaking and Alex’s arrival was 31 hours. The only way I had enough energy to push that little boy out of me was because I had had a good, solid nap in which I got the best sleep I have had in years. The only way I got such good, restful sleep was because I had been given an epidural that not only relieved the pain from the contractions, but eliminated the back pain that had been plaguing me (and robbing me of much-needed sleep) for the past six months. The point of this ramble is this: it is ok to have an idea of what you would like to experience and educate yourself on various options, but know that a healthy delivery (for both baby and mom) is the ultimate measure of success. Ok, I’m off my soapbox.

Breastfeeding

Ok, I’m back on my soapbox. I always heard that breastfeeding can be difficult. I thought it was just because it was painful (sore nipples, engorgement, cracked areolas, ouch!). Now I know there are a lot more factors that come into play; the nursing books just don’t address them. They just simply talk about how important breastfeeding is and that if it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. They just seem to say: “As soon as baby is born, put her to breast and you’ll feed happily ever after.” They don’t talk about the possibility that your baby may be on an IV for the first two days, or that you may develop some condition that requires medication that interferes with breastfeeding, or that your baby may be so lethargic she will not stay awake long enough to consume an adequate amount of calories, or that ... you get my point. Those books need to say “hey, it doesn’t come easy and it’s ok if you have to bottle or formula feed – as long as you’re trying your best and your baby is gaining weight and healthy, you’re being the best mom in the world!” I’m thinking about making a career change to inspirational author/realist. If you know a good agent, call me.

Nurses

Nurses are amazing people; at least the ones who went out of their way to make my time at EAMC as comfortable and reassuring as possible. There was the delivery nurse, who screamed “push baby, push!” like it was nobody’s business; and it worked like a charm. There was the nurse in the pain clinic who got mad when she found out they made me walk downstairs instead of wheeling me down because I had been discharged already. She also called me on my cell phone twice to make sure my spinal headaches were gone and Alex was doing well. Then there was the lactation specialist who stayed at work an hour late two days in a row to work with me on breastfeeding. She also loaded me up with oodles of nipples, devices to help with feeding, and her cell number. And many others who took good care of my baby and made my week in the hospital a pleasant experience.

Mom’s intuition

Intuition is as important as medical expertise. I knew my water had broken, even though the litmus test, the ultrasound, and the pelvic exam showed otherwise. I knew my baby was ready to come out, even though the readings on the monitors suggested I had hours to go. I learned that even if I wasn’t going to speak up, it’s helpful to have people around you who will. Sticking to your guns is a lot easier when you have a strong support system in place.

Pain

Epidurals are wonderful.

More pain

Blood patches suck (especially when you need two). But spinal headaches suck worse.

Privacy

Notions of privacy are completely skewed during and after the labor and delivery process. You know when the 80-year-old male volunteer who delivers the newspaper and the 19-year-old girl who picks up the meal tray have both seen you pumping, the line between what’s appropriate and what’s not has become blurred.

Poopy diapers, spit up, and crying – oh my!

It really is different when it’s your kid. Andy has always been grossed out by stuff like poop and vomit. He can hardly clean up after our pets (actually, he usually gets me, his friends, or the mailman to do it; kidding!). But with Alex, he handles butt explosions like a pro. When I worked at the day care, I was always most grossed out by spit up. I don’t know why; maybe it’s the weird sour smell or that it inevitably ends up on your shirt. But with Alex, I don’t get grossed out, I just get worried; is he ok? Is he sick? Does he have acid reflux? Same goes with crying. Other people’s kids are annoying when they cry, but with your own, you just want to do whatever it takes to get him comfy and happy.

Bodily changes

Early in my pregnancy someone I barely knew (who apparently shares the Dawson/Frew affinity for frankness) told me that my body would never be the same after having a baby. It looks like she wasn’t kidding. My wedding rings no longer fit, my belly button is twice as wide, my boobs are three times bigger, I now have a linea negra (isn’t that supposed to appear before you have a baby, not after?), and my tummy … well, let’s wait a few months before we make that call. Regardless, I still think the human body is a pretty amazing creation. I either breastfeed or pump every 2-3 hours, but the last couple nights I’ve skipped one feeding each night to catch extra winks (don’t worry, Andy is feeding Alex during those times). And each morning after I have done this, my boobs have been swollen and sore. It’s amazing that my body is so in tune with what’s going on that skipping just one feeding is enough to get my supply out of whack.

Mommy!

I love being a mommy. I never considered myself motherly and at one point even wondered if I ever wanted kids (hey, all high schoolers are dumb). But now Andy and I can’t imagine our life without Alex in it. There is something so satisfying about being able to calm Alex down if he is fussing just by holding him close to me. I could stare at his sweet face all day long. I am already hating the first girl he kisses, the first bully who picks on him, and the first boss who fires him. He is my baby; I have a SON!

Final note

Thanks to all our wonderful family and friends for their many thoughts, prayers, words of encouragement, and gifts! If we have not called or written to thank you personally, please know it’s probably because we’re too exhausted to remember who we have and haven’t spoken to in the last week (or hour). We’re not very busy right now (we mostly just sack out in front of the TV between feedings and diaper changes), but we are a little tired. Please don’t hesitate to give us a call. Hope everyone has a happy holiday!