First Day of School Jitters

I knew putting Alex in day care would be difficult, but I had no idea just how difficult. I have always heard that putting your kid in day care is hard; I just thought it was so because you're away from your kid and you miss him. Well, I've been back at work since February 1, so I'm used to not seeing my son nine hours a day. But putting him in day care was about more than not seeing him. I have no doubt in my mind that he is going to a place that is safe and he is being looked after by people who will give him the best care. My concern - and the reason I could not concentrate at work at all on his first day - is whether he is happy. How aware is Alex of the situation? Do 7 month olds have the capacity to feel emotions like abandonment? I don't know. I wasn't at all worried about putting him in day care until Sunday, the day before his first day. We went to church and put him in the nursery. There they give you a buzzer (like the kind popular restaurants give you while you're waiting for a table) and only seconds into the sermon, the thing went off. And quite loudly, I might add. As if to scream "This lady's kid won't stop crying!!!" to the whole congregation.

So, understandably, that made me concerned about how Alex would handle a whole day without mommy and daddy. I stopped by on my lunch break to peek in the window. There was Alex passed out on the carpet next to one of the teachers (who must have been sitting there patting his back the whole time) and with a full bottle beside him. I called the day care about 2:30 to check on him. His primary caregiver said she couldn't get him to take his bottle, but he had no problem devouring the sweet potatoes I had brought for breakfast (what can I say, the kid's a true Southerner).

I left work at 4 p.m. and excitedly rushed across town to the day care to pick up my son. I could not wait to see his face transform from sad and forlorn to exquisite happiness at the sight of his beloved mother. I went into his room and at first couldn't even find him. Then I looked down to my right and there he was, passed out, again. His teacher picked him up and he did not budge. I took him from her and rubbed his back to try to wake him up and get my long-awaited smile. He just rubbed his eyes and looked at me expressionless. I stood and talked to the teacher for a few minutes as we looked for his pacifier (note to self: bring pacifier strap). A few minutes go by and one of the other teachers walks by (a pretty, young one) and Alex flashes her his million-dollar grin. Huh? Where's my smile?!? Oh well. I guess that means he doesn't hate school.